What's wrong?

That's kind of a stupid question, depending on who it's coming from.
Like i'm going to tell you what's really wrong with me.
That's why you're here, right my blog?
Well let me think of some reasons why i'm depressed.
1. My stepdad is a horrible person. He cracks hurtful jokes at me, and my mother. He makes me go to church and tries (but fails) to get me involved with god. It's horrible.

2. Everyone I've ever gotten remotely close to is gone. Everytime i got attached, I moved away.

3. I miss my dad, and my sister, and my brothers. It's been a while since i've seen them.

4. I love all the wrong people. People that if anybody found out who were, would stop talking to me all together.

5. I never get to see my friends.

6. I probably won't make it here long enough to experience my freshman year at West, And i've chosen all the best classes, and everything i wanted as a class i got, in AP.

7. I can't continue, i need to stop crying.

Bottom line is my life sucks. I hate it. I have a roof over my head, food and clean clothes, but i feel like i'm treated like shit most of the time. It's unbearable. I need pills for my depression, it's getting that bad.

It would be interesting to have an adult accually listen to the things teenagers have to say.

But what do we know, right?

I wish i wasn't forced to go to Church. I don't like it. It doesn't make me happy. They just sing annoying songs. No disrespect if you enjoy it, but what do you expect? . I don't get why someone that doesn't believe in religion at all has to go to Church? It's not very fair on my part. But then again, until the day i turn eighteen do I really have a choice?

I started drawing a guitar on friday. It's still not finished. I drew it blue because the guitar you played that day was blue. That's your guitar. And I can't stop thinking about next year, and getting to see you every day. But I realized that next year, the person i love to see every-school-day, will be gone. i'll never see him again.

I feel like i'm talking to nobody. I doubt anybody accually reads my blog. That would be unacceptable. I don't expect people to read it. But it would be interesting if people did, just so i could feel heard. Think about if an adult were to talk to you like you talk to your friends. When i say adult i don't mean therapist or parent, but just an adult. Would they think you're crazy? Messed up? Insane? Just a teenager with mixed emotions? I'm very curious. It would be interesting to find out their thoughts, on my mind and wether or not i'm messed up.

I want to be an art teacher. I want to inspire people to do art. I want to teach great things to highschool students. Especially the ones that have potenial. Art is my thing, it's what makes me happy. Maybe it's the thought that i'll never be left with nothing. When everything else has failed me, art has always been there. Art has never hurt me, Cheated on my mom, Screwed me over, Abandoned me, Art is perfect in it's own little way. When i'm left with absolutely nothing, it's a nice feeling that you'll have something down inside of you. I want to be an art teacher because my art teachers have inspired me, gotten me invovled in the things that i now love. It's a nice thought to think that you could change someone's life just by offering them a pencil and some sketch paper. Art has changed my life for the better. It's kept me away from drugs, alchol, sex, addiction, all of that kind of stuff. When i'm sad, happy, angry, i can vent via art.


Monophobia : Fear of being alone.

We sit on front porches and swing life away.

Valentines day is going to be a horrible day.
it's just a reminder that i have such a long wait until i can accually find somebody to share it with.
I hope that the love of my life plans something special.
Because whoever he is, better have been worth the wait. because i'm sick of waiting.
I know that i'm not gonna fall in love now, because young love is stupid.
That's what driving me to insanity.
The Wait.
I'm counting the days untill i turn eighteen.
I just sucks that things have to be this way.

I hate living in this house.
If i didn't love my school, my mom, and my room i would leave. At least my stepmom faked liking me, my stepdad treats me like shit. I can't stand it anymore.

So if you heard of a teenager that has never done/seen/touched drugs, never smoked a cigarette, never had any sexual relations with anyone, never been drunk, never partied, why would you want to take everything that makes them happy away from them? What would be your reasoning?

I don't get it. I just don't. I haven't done anything wrong, and my stepfather has taken everything away from me. All i'm left with is my art and my mom. He took away my music, my television, my computer, my everything. It's just burning me to the core because i know i deserve better. I'm a straight A, clean highschool student. I should be able to do the things i want. But for some odd reason i'm not allowed. I haven't done anyhting wrong. The only flaw i'm missing out of the "perfect child picture" to me is that i don't have a religon. I just don't. It's something that has never occured to me to be important. I never did anything else.

I hate it when people try to force their religon on me. i don't care about what you believe in, that's not going to affect the way i like you, or my judgements about you. If you love god, then great! if you don't, that's great tooo.

I'm rotting from the inside out. I don't know how much more of this i can take.