I'm so mad.

I can't find my exacto knife.
I thought it was in one of the boxes but my mom said she packed it elsewhere.
I really want to cut myself but I can't do it without my exacto knife.
And I accually want to build something out of my cans. Mrs.Brooks son is turning 3 so I decided I want to make a car out of the cans for him.
Sounds difficult but I'm going to attempt it when I can find the damn thing.
I want it back. :c

Moving sucks.

And so do my parents.
They're making me do most of the work.
Including bringing numerous heavy boxes up and down the stairs. I've been up and down those stairs at least fifty times in the past three days.
My stepdad told me today that "Good thing you're not my kid, cause i'd smack you in the mouth."
Wow, you're too kind.
I hope he dies a slow and painful death.
:3

My wish.

I hope that tomorrow will happen.
I've got to ask my mom, and make sure it's still on with the person.
Beause I would reeealllyyy love to go to her house.
Please Jesus?
If you're out there, just give me this.
That's all I ask.

Why do I love blaring music?

I especially love it through my headphones.
It's because I can ESCAPE. There is no better feeling than being able to 100% block people out.
If I could leave my headphones in all day everyday, I would.

Drama queen.

We were all talking about how we lost the house that we found a few blocks away from my school. My mom was talking about something with it sucking, and she said something semi positive-ish.
I said, "well that doesn't make it suck any less."
She said, "life sucks, get used to it."
I said, "if life sucks so bad then why bother living?"
She said, "whatever drama queen."
Thanks mom.
I've threatened all kinds of things like this.
She always calls me a drama queen.
Maybe I'll just dissapear, who's the drama queen now?

My moms in the other room on the phone.

And I can hear her talking to her friend about moving back to Canada. Then she started talking about me, she was just like: I know she would miss her friends and her school. I mean she did great last year, she didn't get into trouble and she got amazing grades. It just sucks because all of that would be ripped away from her."
She wouldn't feel bad. She's just saying that to her friend. I swear if we move I will seriously hurt myself.

More thoughts on the bible.

I realized that I can't have an opinion on the bible or God, because I know nothing about it. I have never read the bible and I have never heard the story of God.
So from now on if anybody asks me if I'm religous, all I can say is I don't know.
Because I don't. I'm not? Or am I? I just don't know.

I am opinionless when it comes to religion.

Another night.

Another fight.
Another cut on my arm.
And the suicidal thoughts continue to flow.
I miss the coolest 23year old I know.
I drew blood again, and i didn't feel a thing. I feel numb.

Blood.

I've never cut cut myself deeply. I've never cut far enough to see red.
Until now.
I just did.

Dream.

I always find something to think about before i go to bed. I usually think about everything. Last night my exacto knife came to mind, and I thought about cutting myself hard and deep. I fell asleep and I dreamt that I was in the counselors office at school and miss seay was asking me about the gash on my arm. Then all of a sudden I was somewhere with Mrs.Brooks, and I couldn't find an excuse why I had this cut on my arm. I panicked and woke up.
It was the strangest thing.