You would be surprised how much can happen in one month. Maybe not writing on here has been what's driving me crazy. Me and my own thoughts. Nobody else.
The thing on my mind has been the classic "I'm here if you ever want to talk." I've realized that nobody has ever said that to me. Teachers usually say that to students. What i would give for my teacher to say that to me.
I've considered recently putting my thoughts into art, but i can't bring myself to compose what's on my mind. I just sit there with my music blaring, hoping something comes walking through my mind. I can't draw the things that i want out of life, or the feelings i have.
I've been zoning out a lot recently. Day dreaming. My night dreams feature the re-occuring person. It's him. I'm happy about this. My heart melts when i see him smile. I could never tell anyone who this person really is. There are two people. One i see more often than the other. The one i see all the time has been showing up in my dreams. Over and over and over i just can't get him out.
Even happy things haven't cheered me up. My stepdad thinks I have nothing to be miserable, stressed, or insane over. I have school; school is a lot of pressure for me. I have to get good grades. I have to impress my teachers. I have to succeed. I have a biology test, and project due next week. I have a photography project due too. I hope my name is chosen to go on the field trip with my favourite teacher. I hope that I win Vice President. I was a little bit hesitant to run because of everything that happens in my life.
My mom is here waiting for my stepdad to come home, so they can fight. They fight all the time. it's unbearable. Knowing the circumstances. If one of them walks in my room i have to close the window. this has happened to me more than once.
I can't stop thinking about you, both of you, and everything. My brain is a mess. Help me? Somebody tell me that "i'm here if you ever want to talk." I would love to talk to someone, not a therapist, or a parent, or somebody my age. Is anybody out there?
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