Love and some verses.

Sitting in kristins pitch black room, staring at a ceiling that could possibly be the floor for all I know. Depressing music fills my ears and depressing thoughts cloud my mind.
Nobody even knows that I keep this blog. Except for Santiago, and I won't tell him the URL. I wish someone else would read it.
They'd find it if i killed myself. And they'd feel bad I'm sure, for not knowing, not paying close enough attention. My mom yells at me and says I'm 'pouting' when I feel like crap. Nice mom, real nice.

I'll just pretend like everything is okay, when really nothing is okay.

Kristin fell asleep.

Now I'm alone, and the thoughts are returning.
What do I do? I can't email Mrs.Brooks, because her grandma just died last night.
I can't email Mrs.Barnett because, well, I just can't. She's too... I don't know.

I just hate life again. Maybe it has something to do with school being out. Maybe it has something else to do with the fact that I just want to get this stupid teenage era over with. I don't feel like a teenager. I feel like I should be in my twenties, but instead I'm stuck in this fourteen year old body. I hate everything. It's not that I want to die, I just want to sleep until I turn eighteen. Wouldn't that be nice? Maybe a coma.

I'm praying for a coma to suck me out of this hell for the next three and a half years. Then I can return as a new soul, ready to live.

I was bored.

So I write my thoughts on my arm.
It started on my leg accually. I wrote summer sucks. Then I wrote zoo. Then I wrote teachers are my friends.
Then I moved it to my arm. I re-wrote teachers are my friends then made an arrow to I'm friends with 30 year olds.
I finished it off with the best thing ever.
I wrote: one of the coolest people I know is my 23 year old alegbra teacher.

Ah I'm so cool.

I'm friends with teachers.

I'm pretty sure my friends would think that's weird.
My favorite teacher that turned into my friend throughout this past year, is the only one that knows that I was depressed. I think that she told my other teacher, because she talks to me a lot now. She added me on facebook.
They talked about me hanging out with them and them somehow figuring out me going to art camp which is confusing. I'll ask my dad to pay for it.
I think it'd be kind of weird to hangout with my other teacher, mrs.barnett. She's kind of old and has three kids.
Mrs.Brooks, my friend, I would spend days at her house. I was thinking about that earlier. I would love to babysit her adorable kids. She's the coolest adult I know.
Oh well, I'm insane.

How long do you think it'd take me to walk across town?

Because I really don't want to be here.
Everythig sucks and I want to scream.

What a lovely summer I'm having.

My mom has given me a list of fifteen or so things to do today. Yesterday I cleaned the house and cooked dinner. I have to do the same thing again today, but today I have to find my stepdads keys and my moms flash drive.
For a second I cracked and started crying because it's hard. My mom comes by, "what the f@&$ is wrong with you? Get ahold of yourself." no thank you, or nothing. She's mad because I can't find her flash drive. She flipped out on me and told me that she does all this in half a day. My stepdad is too lazy to help out and I get that she's sick and can't do anything, but no need to kick me when I'm already down.

Why do I even bother?

I cooked dinner today since my mom is sick. My stepdad then starts to complain because I didn't get enough condiments Then he yelled at me and told methat I didn't do anything. Ah I hate him.